Violist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"
A violist was in the back seat of a small town's orchestra. One day he found a genie and was granted three wishes, the first wish was that he wanted to be 5 times better then he already was. By the next practice he was principal of the violists. After some time, he wanted to become even better. He went to the geinie and asked to be 10 times better once more. The next day he became the principal violist of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. After months he still wanted to become a musician. He asked the genie once more but to be 15 times better. The next day at practice he was back in his small town's orchestra but in the very back of the second violin section.
How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando? Mark it "solo."
Q: What do you do with a violist when he dies?
A: Move him back a stand.
What do you do with a dead violist? Move him back a desk.
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together."Help!" cried the cellist, "I can't swim!""Don't worry," said the violist, "just fake it."
Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist? A: They both fuck up bowings.