Virginia Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here's a story I found this week in the Charleston [West Virginia] Gazette in a column by a man named Terry Marchal. He publishes humorous things that people send to him...
There was this very delicate, proper and elegant woman who was planning a family camping vacation in Florida. She wrote to a campground for a reservation.
This woman abhorred what campgrounds refer to as "pit toilets" (known in West Virginia as outhouses) and wanted to know if the area had bathhouses with flush toilets. She didn't want to write "toilet."
Campground guides and brochures use abbreviations for camping facilities and the woman remembered something about "B.C." which, she recalled, meant "bathroom commode." So, in her letter, she wanted to know if the camping facility had a B.C.
The campground owner was unfamiliar with B.C. He showed the letter to several people. Most were baffled. One knowledgeable camper, however, said he knew what it was. She more...

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
New York: You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An
Attorney....
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee: The Educashun State
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont: Yep
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't more...

A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move
to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said "I'm moving here from the city, what do you guys do around here."
The men answered "go hunt'n, kill things' n screw".
He then asked "what do you hunt and kill."
The men replied "som'n ta screw."

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up. An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. more...

Weird Sex Laws of the U. S. A law in Fairbanks, Alaska, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
In Ventura County, California, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.
In Florida it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times
and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.
Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.
In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.
Clinton, Oklahoma, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
In Willowdale, more...

A man was driving through West Virginia looking for a place to move to. He saw 2 men sitting on a porch and said, "I'm moving here from thecity, what do you guys do around here?" The men answered, "Go hunt'n, kill things,' n screw". He then asked, "What do you hunt and kill?" The men replied, "Sumt'n ta screw."

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the West Virginia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside West Virginia. If you have one of the West Virginia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edtion may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse
My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption
Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys
Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard
Hard Drive is referred to as Four Wheel Drive
Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs.
And instead of an error message, you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape.
Other features:
OK = ats aww-right
cancel = hail no
reset = awa shoot
yes D shore
no = naaaaa
find = more...