Virginia Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Washington DC): A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check - a forged check. He got 10 years.
(Virginia): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head - and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.
(Maryland): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole - are you ready for this? - the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)
(Washington, DC): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he more...

The incredibly dumb ATT fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence. Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up. An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts. A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a more...

You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. It is illegal to tickle women. It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. Culpeper: No one may wash a mule on the sidewalk. Lebanon: It is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. Norfolk: Spitting on a sea gull is not tolerated. Norfolk: A man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere. Norfolk: Women must wear a corset after sundown and be in the company of male chaperone. Richmond: It is illegal to flip a coin in a restaurant to see who pays for a coffee. Stafford County: It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm. Victoria: It is illegal to skate down the sidewalk of Main Street. Virginia Beach: It is illegal for a person to ride on the handlebars of a bike. Virginia Beach: It is illegal to use profanity on Atlantic Avenue or the boardwalk. Virginia Beach: It is also unlawful to drive by the same more...

The West Virginia University president said that former coach Rich Rodriguez was "distraught" before he left the school. As opposed to all the other minorities in West Virginia, who love it there.

Savings Account annual interest: 0
Checking Account annual interest: 0
Gross Holdings: -0
Come on in and ask about our daily double derivatives: Today, it's based on the #8 horse in the 9th race at Mountaineer Racetrack & Resort, compounded by the outer rings of Uranus orbits plus whether or not some little island without a name (or even a nickname) sinks into the Pacific Ocean sometime in October, 2008 - but the cause must be limited only to tectonic plate explosions.
If all goes right and you're a winner, you'll make 87 zegaMcMillion dollars Canadian to every $1 (Can.) invested in this investment package.

Q: What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
A: In Virginia, moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

The Top 10 Reasons Not To Stay in West Virginia
& & 1. Contrary to what the lousy song says, Country Roads do NOT always take you home.
& & 2. You dream of a life that will involve a paved road.
& & 3. You grow tired of tourists stopping by, asking for directions to the state of "South Virginia", and driving off in a fit of laughter.
& & 4. You`re stuck with AM Radio... AM COUNTRY radio.
& & 5. You`ve grown tired of seeing the group "Glass Tiger" at the local Acorn Festival each year.
& & 6. The sheep won`t take your "abuse" anymore and they are planning a revolt.
& & 7. Hayrides are still limited to just 10 mph.
& & 8. The local theatre`s performance of "Les Miserables" left something, no A LOT, to be desired.
& & 9. You`ve had it with those pesky revenuers destroying your stills of "shine".
& 10. No matter how hard you try, your cows don`t appear receptive to chasing or catching that more...