Vision Jokes

An old snake went to his doctor and told him, "Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don't seem to see very well nowadays."
The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
"Great," replied the snake. "Only problem is, now I'm very depressed."
"Why are you depressed?" asked the doctor. "Didn't the glasses help?"
"Oh, the glasses are great, doc," replied the snake. "The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I've been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years."

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In 1875 the director of the US patent office resigned. He said that there was nothing left to invent
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The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
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The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle
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Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name
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On average, a person has two million sweat glands
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Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
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Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
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Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
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The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
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97% of the earth's water is undrinkable
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The Earth gets heavier each day by tons, as meteoric dust settles on it
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All babies are color blind when they are more...

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

What's the difference between a vision and a sight?
When my wife gets dressed up for a party she looks like a vision and when she wakes up in the morning she's a sight.

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.