Vision Jokes / Recent Jokes
A BLIND beggar was in the habit of visiting a house once every week to get his ration of flour from the kind lady of the house. He did not turn up for a month and the lady wondered what had become of him. Suddenly one day he knocked at the door and shouted,' I am Surdas, the blind beggar.' The kindly lady was having her bath. She rushed out naked in the knowledge that the fellow was sightless and wouldn't know she had nothing on. She opened the door and asked,' Where have you been all these weeks?' The beggar handed her a packet of sweets.
'Mataji, I had an eye-operation and can now see perfectly clearly. I brought these sweets for you to celebrate the restoration of my vision.'
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
PRESS RELEASE
Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to buy the Philadelphia Mint from the United States government. Final details of the transaction were hammered out in an all night bargaining session which included President Bill Clinton representing the US, and four unnamed chorus girls. An obviously fatigued and smiling Clinton emerged from the meeting and stated that he saw no chance that there would be opposition from anyone within the government. In an effort to appease regulators, Microsoft gave a copy of Windows NT and a box of paper clips to Novell.
Microsoft said it intends to print money in direct competition with the US Government. Microsoft chairman, Bill Gates, declared, "The Government has no vision and we intend to eventually take over all operations." The official announcement was made by Microsoft spokesman, Brad Silverberg, who showed reporters an alpha version of the currency Microsoft will release next year. The currency, called simply more...
REPORTER (to Barack Obama): At the Academy Awards, Jon Stewart made fun of the fact that your last name, Obama, sounds like Osama, the name of the most hated man on the planet. What is your reaction? BARACK OBAMA: Besides the unfortunate name similarity, Osama Bin-Laden and I have nothing in common. One of us is a confident, ethnic man with devoted supporters and a clear vision for the future, and the other is about to be elected President.
Some non-Christian (but not unChristian) bits of important wisdom for earth dwellers:
Be a Fundamentalist - ensure that the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason we are put in the material world is to get more material from that track. Have a good laughsitive twice a day, which will ensure regularity.
Remember that each of us has been given a special gift just for entering, so you are already a winner!
The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That's where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can change the channel.
Life is like photography - you use the negative to develop. No matter what adversity you face, be reassured: Of course God loves you...
It is true: As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the more...
PRESS RELEASE
Microsoft Corporation today announced plans to buy the Philadelphia Mint from the United States government. Final details of the transaction were hammered out in an all night bargaining session which included President Bill Clinton representing the US, and four unnamed chorus girls. An obviously fatigued and smiling Clinton emerged from the meeting and stated that he saw no chance that there would be opposition from anyone within the government. In an effort to appease regulators, Microsoft gave a copy of Windows NT and a box of paper clips to Novell.
Microsoft said it intends to print money in direct competition with the US Government. Microsoft chairman, Bill Gates, declared, "The Government has no vision and we intend to eventually take over all operations." The official announcement was made by Microsoft spokesman, Brad Silverberg, who showed reporters an alpha version of the currency Microsoft will release next year. The currency, called simply more...