Vladimir Jokes / Recent Jokes

Vito and VladimirThere were two guys who wanted to pick up women on a beach. One was Italian (Vito) and the other was Russian (Vladimir). Vito had no problem picking up gorgeous women; he was the most popular guy on the beach. But Vladimir had no success.Vladimir: "Vito! How do you do it? How do you attract so many beautiful women?" Vito: "Well, I'll tell ya! But it's a secret . . just between you and me. I don't want my system to become too public."Vladimir: "OK. It's a deal."Vito: "You see those potatoes over there? Well, every time I come to the beach I take one and put it in my Speedo. When the women see it, they come running from miles around."Vladimir: "That's it? I can do that."The next day, Vladimir went over to the produce stand and picked out the biggest, most perfectly shaped potato he could find. He then went into the changing room and slipped it into his Speedo. As he walked out onto the beach, he immediately noticed that more...

“Joint Chiefs of Staff [Chair] Peter Pace is leaving his job. He’s the one who announced that all homosexual acts are immoral, and so is adultery. No wonder he left. He attacked all the members of Congress. ” –Jay Leno
“Paris Hilton is behind bars, but still no word on Osama. ” –David Letterman
“By a vote of 93-5, the Louisiana state House has voted to make it illegal for teachers to have sex with their students. Here’s my question: Who are the five people who voted for it? ” –Jay Leno
“Yesterday at the G8 Summit, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered to let President Bush build a missile defense system in Azerbaijan. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, ‘I believe the correct pronunciation is Abracadabra. ’” –Conan O’Brien
“There seems to be tension between President Bush and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Again, President Bush thinks this is good. He thinks a new Cold War could help end global warming. ” –Jay more...