Ward Jokes / Recent Jokes
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead."Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor."Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead."Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?""Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?""OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?" "OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.
How can you tell the Irish fella in the hospital ward?
He's the one blowing the foam off of his bed pan.
Making the rounds of the maternity ward, a visiting obstetrician pointed to a child who was smaller and more fragile than the rest.
"What's wrong with that one?" he asked the head nurse.
"Nothing, doctor," she replied. "He's a test-tube baby, and they tend to be smaller than others ".
"It just goes to show," the obstetrician said sagely, "spare the rod and spoil the child."
There was this case in the hospital`s Intensive Care
ward where patients always died in the same bed and
on Sunday morning at 11 a. m.,
regardless of their Medical condition.
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that
it had something to do with the supernatural.
So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to
investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes Before
11 a. m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait
outside the ward to see for themselves what the
terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden Crosses, prayer books and
other holy objects to ward off the evil.
Just when the clock struck 11...
Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper,
entered the ward and unplugged the life support
system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
A very plain nurse was telling a voluptuous co-worker about the sailor who was a patient in Ward Ten. "He's tattooed," she confided (and her voice dropped low), "in a very intimate place!"
"You mean-" gasped the beautiful nurse.
"Yes! Isn't that odd? There's actually a word tattooed there. The word' swan.'"
"This I've got to see," exclaimed the voluptuous one, and she hurried off to Ward Ten. Half an hour later, she returned. "You were right," she said, "he is tattooed there. But you were wrong about the word. It's' Saskatchewan'!"
What do you call an unemployed jester?... Nobody's fool.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf - Because for them, it's too much like their work - you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another.
Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single."
Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push... Push...Push!"
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager."
Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further."
Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
If a tree falls in a forest, and more...