Ward Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head." There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby? s white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said. The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark! !!"

Mister Smith rushes into the maternity ward, "What's wrong? What's the emergency?" "Oh, Mister Smith, your child was just born and I have someterrible news for you. It's disfigured." "Well, how bad is it? Can I see?" "Follow me, sir." They head down a restricted corridor and come to the firstdoor. Inside, in the respirator, is a newborn child without arms. Mister Smith is upset, "Oh my God! How terrible to be born this way!"The nurse interrupts, "No Mister Smith, that isn't your child. Follow me, please." They come to another room and there lies a newborn with no arms OR legs. Mister Smith cries, "Oh dear God! What could be worse than this?" "No mister Smith, that's not your child. Follow me." Next room down, Smith looks in. This kid is only a head. No body at all." Oh my God! How awful! What could be worse than this?" "Not your child, sir. Follow me." One more room left in the hall. more...

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.

"There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept with" she said. Then one more scream and the babys white legs were born, "Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.

The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for that, I thought it was going to bark! !!"

The newly appointed health minister of a northern state, whose knowledge of English was somewhat elementary, was on his first official visit to the largest hospital in the capital. The director of medical services took the minister around the operating theatres and general wards till they came to the women patients' section.
'This, sir, is the labour ward,' explained the director.
The minister stopped in his tracks and remarked firmly:' I will not visit this ward. Don't you know we have a labour minister in the government? I must not trespass into his domain.

A man's wife was in hospital after having a baby, and he asks his mate:
"How long before we can, you know, err umm....?"
His mate replies:
"Well, that depends whether she's in a private ward or a public ward."
"She's in a public ward."
"Well, in that case you'll have to wait until she gets home!"
Dave

What do you call an unemployed jester?. .. Nobody's fool. Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. Why politicians don't enjoy the game of golf -- Because for them, it's too much like their work -- you know, being trapped in one bad lie after another. Feminist's lament: "I think, therefore I am single." Sign on the door of the maternity ward at the hospital: "Push. .. Push. .. Push!"Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels." Sign on a parking space at a garden nursery: "Reserved for plant manager." Sign on a door to a psychiatric ward: "Please do not disturb further." Sign in a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"Elbonics: Two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater. Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scornto smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. If a tree falls in a forest, and hits a mime, does anybody say more...

There was this case in the hospital's Intensive Care ward where the patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11 a. m., regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural.
Why the death? So the doctors decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a. m., all the doctors and the nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil........ Just when the clock struck 11,....
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