Warnings Jokes

Homelite Zip Start Vac Attack Blower:
Do not point blower in direction of people or pets.
(Wild animals are presumably okay?)
Bono 527 Multi-Purpose Cement:
Exposure may result in confusion.
(Anyone who sniffs glue is more than confused)
Bowl-Fresh Automatic Toilet Cleaning Tablets:
Harmful if swallowed.
(I know a kid who can put a whole orange in his mouth- but that's beside the point)
Sunbeam Simple Press Iron:
To prevent burn injury, keep hand away from heated area.
(I had no idea intense heat could BURN you! Go figure!)
Hungry Jack Lite Syrup:
Caution: Syrup bottle may be hot.
(After lengthy instructions on how to heat the bottle.)
50 Water Balloons:
This bag is not a toy.
(Yes indeed, it's the real thing!)
9 Piece Super Bouncers Bouncing Balls:
This toy is a small ball.
(Apparently that's a bad thing.)
Tagamet HB2000:
Do not take if you are allergic to Tagamet HB2000 or other acid more...

Legal disclaimers and warnings are often important, because they point out things that may not be immediately obvious, limiting legal liability for mishaps. But, some statements really make you wonder...



On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.



On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.



On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.



On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.



On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.



In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)



On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids LIE more...

The FDA is considering putting additional warnings on beer and alcohol such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

Once upon a time there was a little boy who lived in a house that had train tracks running behind it. The boy's father always warned him against playing around the train tracks, but boys will be boys so he often played around the tracks despite the warnings from his father.
One day, after playing by the tracks all afternoon, the tired and sat down on the tracks to rest. Before he knew it, a train came by, ran over his ass, and cut part of it off.
When the boy's father came home and discovered what had happened, he told the boy that not only would he have to go through the rest of his life missing part of his ass, that he was greatly disappointed in him for not heeding his warnings.
That night, unable to sleep, the boy laid in bed pondering about going through the rest of his life half ass and how disappointed his father was at him. Suddenly he had an idea. He went out to the tracks and began searching for the lost part of his ass. If only he can find it, he thought, I more...

These are a few actual instructions or warnings found on various consumer products. What were the manufacturers thinking or, better yet, were they?
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive or operate machinery.
- On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
- On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
- On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
- On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
- On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
- On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
- On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: Contains more...