Warnings Jokes / Recent Jokes
These are a few actual instructions or warnings found on various consumer products. What were the manufacturers thinking or, better yet, were they?
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
- On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive or operate machinery.
- On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
- On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
- On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
- On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: Keep out of children.
- On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
- On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
- On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
- On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: Contains more...
A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels by Susan Hewitt and Edward Subitzky from the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol 36, No. 1As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towardslegislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer the cautionarythought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely scratch thesurface of what is really necessary in this important area. This is especiallytrue in light of the findings of 20th century physics.We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together inan intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placementof suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offeredfor sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of requiredwarnings appears below.Warning: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.Warning: This Product Attracts Every more...
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
1. Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
2. Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk
3. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN
4. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish
5. Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning
6. Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants
7. Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
8. Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead
9. Consumption of more...
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a jerk.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause ofinexplicable more...
Legal disclaimers and warnings are often important, because they point out things that may not be immediately obvious, limiting legal liability for mishaps. But, some statements really make you wonder...
On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists - REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids LIE more...