Washed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mary decided it was time to trim her household budget wherever possible, so rather than having her dress dry-cleaned, she washed it by hand.
Proud of her savings, she boasted to her husband, "Just think, honey, we're eight dollars richer because I washed my dress by hand."
"Good," her husband replied. "Wash it again!"

The budget
Helen and Issy were having a hard time financially and needed to keep their spending to a minimum. To keep her household account as low as she could, Helen decided not to have her dress dry-cleaned. Instead, she washed it by hand. When Issy returned from work, Helen proudly told him of her idea to save money.
She said, "Just think, Issy, we are £3 richer because I washed this dress by hand."
"Great," Issy quickly replied. "Wash it again!"

This anecdote is about two Indians settled in England. One had been living there for some years and had picked up some of their quaint euphemisms. The other, a recent settler, was as yet unaware of them. They were invited for dinner by their English friends. After they had had their drinks, their hostess asked them,' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
The knowledgeable one replied,' No thanks.' The new settler replied, i washed my hands before I came.'
On their way back after dinner, the older settler admonished his friend,' My dear chap, in England "would you like a wash" does not mean "would you like to wash your hands". It is a polite way of asking, "would you like to urinate?"' The new settler made a mental note of it.
Some days later he was invited by another English friend and after he had had his drinks he was asked by his hostess:' Would you like a wash before I serve dinner?'
He replied promptly,' No, thank you, more...

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties.
Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework.
He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
Jimmie had married a woman from Canada.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking.
He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better.
By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married an Australian girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal.
He said the first day he more...

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well, so they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.
A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands.
The girl looked at him and said, "You must be a dentist."
Flabergasted, the guy responded, "Yes, that's amazing. How did you figure that out ?"
The girl said, "Easy. You keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another, so they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said, "You must be a great dentist!"
The guy was very very surprised, and said, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist, How did you figure that out?"
The girl replied, "Easy. I didn't feel a thing!"

There are three blondes washed up on an island.
Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown
haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so
instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead. The redhead builds a boat
and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.
The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

It had been raining for days and days, and a great flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.
As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. "Climb in!" shouted a man in the boat. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the Lord will save me." So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.
The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. "No," replied the man on the roof. "I have faith in the Lord; the more...