Washington Jokes / Recent Jokes

Things are more like they are now than they have ever been. -President Gerald Ford "My fellow astronauts..."-Vice-President Dan Quayle, beginning a speech at an Apollo 11 anniversary celebration. "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."-Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah, explaining his support of the death penalty. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."-Charles de Gaulle, ex-French President "I stand by all the misstatements."-Dan Quayle, defending himself against criticism for making verbal gaffes "Gerald Ford was a Communist"-Ronald Reagan in a speech. He later indicated he meant to say 'Congressman'. "Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington D.C. "We found the term 'killing' too broad."-State Department spokesperson on why the word 'killing' was replaced with 'unlawful or arbitrary more...

Christmas trees will be going back up at Seattle's airport in a compromise reached with other religious groups.
The airport will also feature a menorah and, bowing to pressure from Aztecs, there will be an hourly human sacrifice in the Club Class lounge.

The Washington Nationals have reported that their local TV ratings rose 67 percent this year... to 1.67 people.

"Whenever
I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over
the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to
be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and
death and stuff." -Mariah Carey
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost
a very important part of your life," -Brooke
Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson
for federal anti-smoking campaign.
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other
part of my body," -Winston Bennett, University
of Kentucky basketball forward.
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one
of the lowest crime rates in the country," -Mayor
Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing
through our papers. We are the president." -Hillary
Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
-Philadelphia more...

Knock, knock! Who's there? George Washington! George Washington who? George Washington who? Didn't you learn anything in history class?

Yo Mama is so fat, when she sits on a quarter she squeezes a booger out of George Washington's nose.

** All of the following quotes have been attributed to Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington, D.C.. . **

'The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather.'

'I promise you a police car on every sidewalk.'

'If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very, very low crime rate.'

'First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl.'

'I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less.'

'The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist.'

'I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?'

'People have criticized me more...