Weird Jokes / Recent Jokes

Duggar is the only American who observes Labor Day every nine months.

Via AP news

A student was arrested for uploading a video on YouTube about how to make a remote control bomb using a toy remote.

Ironically, my family had to talk me out of making a remote controlled bomb for my 8th grade science fair. I was disgruntled from my 7th grade science fair where I made a “Light Sensory Burglar Alarm System” that wasn’t even considered for a prize. Meanwhile, my friend's “Simpson Quiz Game” (which I had to help him with) got 2nd place. When I asked my science professor what he thought of my project he said, “Very good… did your dad help you with that?” I wanted to punch him in the face.

Admittedly, my bomb wouldn’t have hurt anyone.. you press the button.. a little smoke comes out.. then a sign pops up that says, “No, my dad did not help me with this.”

It was then that I decided to give up on the education system and just tell jokes… true story.

A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
That night, the kid says "Good-
night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"

Going out for sushi is a really good first date idea, especially if you're a shallow person.

Not only does it make you seem classy, but it also gives you the opportunity to see what your date will and won't put in their mouth.

Effectively inducing an orgasm in a woman can be complicated, even with the assistance of machinery. I was using a vibrator on a girl one time and I figured applying the vibrator at full speed to her clit would get the job done, but no. Somehow, her clit managed to move around underneath, so I had to keep repositioning it. She was giving me directions the whole time: "up...left...left...down...right...up..." I felt as if I was playing Dance Dance Revagina...or Clitar Hero...or Hymen Simon.

A man has launched a campaign on Facebook in a bid to catch the brutal rapist who attacked his fiancée. This is just my opinion, but I think a social networking site is probably the last place you’d want to post; ‘Man and Woman Seeking Rapist’

Via AP News
19 Year old Rebecca Sue Taylor of Charleston offered to sell her 5 month old baby for 10 grand to another woman after saying she was unable to bond with the infant and needed money for a new apartment.
"Unable to bond with the infant".. oh ok... so she tried... how can you blame her. "Yeah, the baby just doesnt love me back... but he's in like-new condition... you can have him for 10 thousand, or best offer... free shipping... all sales final... I'll even through in his favorite teddy bear."