Whisky Jokes / Recent Jokes

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.
He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"
The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you witch!"
Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!"
Suddenly, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.
Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says...
"For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"

On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!"The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you witch!"Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!" Suddenly, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says... "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"

You'll need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 large brown eggs
2 cups of dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Nuts
1 bottle of whisky

Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it's the
highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter
in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still OK.
Cry another tup. Tune up the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried
fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fired druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it goose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon the sugar or something. Whatever you more...

Ingredients:
1 cup water 2 cups dried fruit 1 cup brown sugar
1 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 8 oz nuts
4 large eggs 1 tsp baking soda juice of 1 lemon
1 bottle of whisky
Method:
Sample whisky to check its quality.
Take a large bowl. Re-check the whisky to ensure it is of the highest quality. Pour one level
cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon
of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay and cry another tup.
Turn off the mixerer. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Mix
on the turner, and if the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with
a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonisisticity.
Next sift two cups of salt, or something. Who cares? Check the whisky.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or
something. Whatever you can more...

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky, you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her, the parrot drains its glass and bawls "And get me another whisky you bitch!" Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee! Go and get it now or I'll kick your ass!" Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly, you sure are a ballsy bastard!"

I happened to be in Stockholm on a business trip last month and was dining in a restaurant. Before ordering my dinner I asked for a whisky.
"Which is the best Swedish whisky?" I asked the waiter.
"Sir, are you from India?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Then you must try our very special brand' Bofors', it gives you instant kickbacks."

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky. Sample the whisky to check for quality. Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find. Grease the oven. Turn the cake more...