Whistle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Richard Watson, an MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle, and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for an hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.

Richard wrote his thesis on this, and graduated!

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.
“Your workers, they’re escaping! ” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them. ”
“Don’t worry, they’ll be back, ” says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, “Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order? ”
“Forget the machines, ” says the visitor. “How much do you want for that whistle? ”

A man took a walk along a railroad track. Not paying attention, he got his foot stuck in a gap in the rails. Just then the whistle of the 10 a.m. train sounded in in the distance.
He tried frantically to free himself, but to no avail. Looking up he prayed, "God, please get me free!" The Whistle sounded, again he pulled, no movement. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking." The whistle sounded closer. Still pulling, he only seemed to get more stuck. "God! If you get my foot out I will stop smoking and drinking." Looking up he could now see the train engineer in the window of the engine. His foot still would not move. "God!!! If you get my foot out I will stop, smoking drinking and give my money to the poor!"
At that moment his foot slipped from its grasp in the rail and he rolled clear of the train's wheels... "Never mind God I took care of it myself."

Every Monday morning for years, at about 11:30 am, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time.One day the operator summed-up the nerve to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day, I have to blow the whistle at noon, so I call you to get the exact time."The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time, we've been setting our clock by your whistle.

After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the ranger who asks him for his fishing license.
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come down to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day."
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license.
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water.
The warden, wide-eyed and intrigued, says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

Three guys entered a disabled swimming contest. The first had no arms, the second no legs and the third was only a head. The whistle blew and they were all in the pool.
The guy with no arms took the lead instantly, but the one with no legs was catching up quickly. The head, of course, sank right to the bottom.
Several lengths later, the guy with no legs finished first. As he looked around, he could still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decided he had better dive down to rescue him.
He dove down, picked up the head and swam back up to the surface. When he placed the head at the side of the pool, the head began coughing and sputtering.
When the head finally caught his breath, he shouted, "I've spent over three years learning how to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"

An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs in town, for which he usually would be paid enough to get food for the next day. Mace and his master lived from one day to the next on what little these jobs would bring in. The dog was just a normal hound, with one exception: while most dogs like to chew on grass occasionally, Mace loved it. When the old man was in town, Mace would spend the day in the yard in front of the house, chewing away on the lawn.
One bright, sunny day the old man said goodbye to his dog and headed into town to work. He had a plumbing repair job in one of the homes there that would take him most of the day and would probably pay enough for food for the remainder of the week, if he managed the money carefully. He headed for town with a spring in his step and a whistle on his more...