Willie Jokes / Recent Jokes
[surprisingly bi-partisan]
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPEACHMENT
December 17, 1998
'Twas The Night Before Impeachment, When all through the House,
All Congress was stirring, Even Conyers, the louse.
The Articles were hung by the Capitol with care,
In hopes that Saint Bubba would be trapped in the lair.
The Republicans were nestled, all smug with The Feds,
While visions of perjury danced in their heads.
And Barr with his rhetoric and Hyde with his trap,
Had just settled in for a long evening's nap.
When out in The Gulf, there arose such a clatter
They clicked on CNN to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But Tomahawk cruise missiles flying like reindeer.
With a Presidential address, so lively and quick,
They knew in a moment, it must be Saint Slick!
More rapid than eagles, his supporters they came,
And he whistled and more...
What has a hundred and seventy-five legs and five teeth?
The front row of a Willie Nelson concert.
A flea died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met it at the gate and explained
that it could choose how it could spend the rest of eternity.
SP: "Have you thought about it? Do you know how you'd like to spend the rest
of eternity?"
Flea: "Yes St. Peter, I have thought about it, I'd like to spend the rest of
eternity on the back of a rich lady's dog."
SP: "So be it, it's done."
A few weeks later St. Peter was wondering about the flea and so he called.
SP: "Flea, how are you doing?"
Flea: "Oh St. Peter, I made a terrible mistake. This old broad washes her dog
two to three times a day, she perfumes it, and I'm nauseous and I have a
headache from the smell."
SP: "Well you know that you aren't supposed to get more than one choice on
how to spend the rest of eternity, but you are supposed to be happy.
Have you thought about what else you might like to do?"
Flea: "Oh yes more...
Little Willie had a gambling problem. He'd bet on anything.
One day, Willie's father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. "Mr.Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie
a real lesson. We'll trap him into a big wager that he'll lose."
Willie's father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers
with the other children, and she said, "Willie, I want you
to remain after class." When the others had left the
classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could
say a word, he said, "Dont say it, Miss B; I know what you're
going to say, but you're a liar!"
"Willie!" the startled teacher said, "What are you talking about?"
"You're a fake!" Willie continued."How can I believe anything
you tell me? You've got this blond hair on top, but I've seen
your bush and it's pitch black!"
Trying to keep her more...
Willie was quite a boy to have round the house.
Willie, at a passing gent
Threw a batch of fresh cement,
Crying, "Wait until you dry.
Then you'll be a real hard guy."
****
Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays.
It rained on Willie seven days.
****
Little Willie, home from school
Where he'd learned the Golden Rule,
Said, "If I eat all this cake,
Sis won't have a stomach-ache."
****
Little Willie on his bike
Through the village took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk.
She will live, but still can't talk.
****
Little Willie lit a rocket
Which his dad had in his pocket,
Next day he told Cousin Dan,
"Daddy is a traveling man."
****
Little Willie in the best of sashes
Fell in the fire and was burned to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly,
But no one liked to poke up Willie.
****
Willie, hitting more...
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Willie Shoemaker have in common?
A: Both ride 4 year olds.