Windows Jokes / Recent Jokes

New error messages currently under consideration for Windows 2000.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)

Imagine there's no Windows,
It's easy if you try.
No fatal errors or new bugs
To kill your hard drives.
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Leaving us in peace!
Imagine never ending hard disks,
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to del or wipe off
And no floppy too
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Sharing all his money.
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope someday you'll join us
And your games will fit in RAM
Imagine 1-Giga RAM
I wonder if you can.
No need for left-shifts or setups
And no booting again and again.
Imagine all the systems
Working all life-time!
You may say I'm a hacker,
But I'm not the only one.
Maybe someday I'll be a cracker
And then I'll make Windows run.

Mel. Barbie Girl
Hi user, wanna go for a try?
Sure win!
Boot up!
I'm a Windows girl
In my Windows world
Life in coding
It's annoying
You can tune my files
Explore me everywhere
Imagination
Illegal operation
Come on System, let's go crashing
I'm a Windows girl
In my Windows world
Life in coding
It's annoying
You can tune my files
Explore me everywhere
Imagination
Illegal operation
I'm a prog, I'm a code
on a supermachine
when I crash,
Boot me up, and go crazy
I'm your pain,
boot me up, and start over again
Run a prog, see the fail
Just delete me
You can touch, i can hang,
like i say, just boot again
I'm a Windows girl
In my Windows world
Life in coding
It's annoying
You can tune my files
Explore me everywhere
Imagination
Illegal operation
Come on System, let's go crashing (boot, boot, bo-ot)
Come on System, let's go crashing more...

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them.
Boy oh boy, did we go around!
Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I proceeded to tell him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told me last year... that in one year the windows would pay for themselves.
There was silence on the other end of the line so I just hung up and I haven't heard back.
Guess I must have won that silly argument!

A woman called the Cannon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."

The woman then responded, "NO, my desk is next to the door. But that's a good point...

The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working just fine."

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35, 000 feet midway across the Atlantic." If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire." If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off." If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you." That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

Here are some basic descriptions of what may happen if airplanes had different operating systems running them.
DOS: Everybody pushes it till it glides, then jumps on and lets it coast till it skids, then jumps off, pushes, jumps back on, etc.
DOS with QEMM: Same as DOS, but with more leg room for pushing.
Macintosh: All the flight attendants, captains and baggage handlers look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask a question, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know and everything will be done for you without your knowing, so just shut up.
OS/2: To get on board, you have to have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form asking how you want your seating arranged--with the look and feel of an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you get on board and off the ground, you will have a wonderful trip, except when the rudder and flaps freeze, in which case you have time to more...