Wish Jokes / Recent Jokes
This women had a magic morror from which anything you wanted you got,so one day she stood in front of the mirror and said I wish i had bigger breasts and it happened so then she ran down stairs to show her husband he was so amazed that he ran up stairs and stood infront of the mirror and said i wish my dick could touch the floor and his legs fell off!
>An Arab has spent many days crossing the desert without finding a source
> of water. It gets so bad that his camel dies of thirst. He's crawling
> through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a
> sudden he sees a shiny object sticking out of the sand several yards
> ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and
> discovers that he has a Manischevitz wine bottle. It appears that there
> may be a drop or two left in the bottle, so he unscrews the top and out
> pops
> a genie. But
> this is no ordinary genie. This genie appears to be a Hassidic rabbi,
> complete with black alpaca coat, black hat, side curls, etc.
> "Well, kid," says the genie. "You know how it works. You have three
> wishes."
> "I'm not going to trust you," says the Arab. "I'm not going to trust a
> Jewish genie!"
> "What do you have to lose? It looks more...
A guy with a huge orange head goes in to see a doctor. The doctor says, “How did you get such a huge orange head? ” The guy says, “Well, one day I was walking down the beach when I tripped over an old lantern. A genie came out and said, ’ I’ll grant you three wishes, whatever you desire… what is your first wish? ’ I said, ’ I’d like all the money I could ever spend. ’ The genie went Poof!, and there it was, all the money I could ever spend.
Then he said, ’ what is your second wish? ’ I said, ’ I’d like a beautiful woman to love me, someone I could enjoy this money with. ’ The genie went Poof!, and there she was, a gorgeous girl who immediately loved me. “Then the genie said, ’and what is your third wish? ’… and I think this is where I went wrong… I said, I’d like a huge orange head. ”
Last Wish
Three hunters, Chuck, Thomas and Abe, are on safari. Unfortunately they are captured by cannibals, who start getting the cooking pots ready. The cannibal chief tells them they can each have one last wish.
"What`s your last request?" he asks Chuck, an American.
"I`d like a steak," he replies.
So the cannibals kill a zebra and serve Chuck with his steak.
"What do you want?" the cannibal chief asks Thomas, a Londoner.
"I`d like to smoke my cigar," which they let him do.
Then the chief asks Abe, an Israeli, "What`s your last wish?"
"I want you to kick my bum."
"Be serious," says the chief.
"Please do it - you promised," says Abe.
"OK," says the chief and delivers the requested kick. Abe then pulls out a gun, shoots the chief and a few other cannibals while the rest run away.
Chuck and Thomas are furious.
"Why didn`t you more...
Dennis Rodman finds a bottle on the beach and picks it up. ..suddenly a female genie appears from the bottle.
"Master, I may grant you one wish." says the genie with a smile.
"Hey, Bitch... don't you know who I am. .. I don't need no woman give me nuttin!" barks Rodman.
The genie pleads..."But Master I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever."
Dennis thinks a moment. .. then grumbling about the inconvenience of it all... he says "Ok, ok. .. I wanna wake up with three women in my bed in the morning. So just do it!" (giving the genie an evil glare) "Now leave me alone!" he screams.
So the annoyed genie says, "So be it!" and disappears back into the bottle.
Next morning, he wakes up with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis is gone, his leg is broken, and he has no health insurance.
Santa's wish: When I die, I wana die like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep?
Not screaming like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day
I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually more...