Worker Jokes / Recent Jokes

This construction worker had climbed 20 stories to the job site. Once there he'd asked the foreman if he could go back down to take a leak. Not wanting to lose the time, the foreman balanced on I-beam across another, stood on one end, and told the worker to walk out to the other end to pee.
While the worker was doing his business, the phone rang. The foreman, forgetting what he was doing, stepped off the I-beam and the worker plunged 20 stories to his death.
The next week the safety inspectors came by to conduct a routine investigation into the accident. They talked to the ground crew.
"I think it was sex-related, " offered one of the crew.
"Sex related? How do you figure that?" said the investigator.
"Well, what made me look up was this guy coming down, dick in his hand, screaming,' where did that cocksucker go?'"

A blonde was recently hired at an office. Her first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well her first day on the job, she grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief.
"Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table." The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

A blonde grabbed a large thermos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
She held up the thermos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take her order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the blonde asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the blonde sighed in relief. "Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his Wet Willy in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to... to... cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, with a gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

There was once a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females. He hired a French guy who didn't speak English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, they had successfully castrated 14 sheep and his French worker was just about to throw away the' parts', but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them' sheep fries'."

Later that day, the French hired hand came in for supper and indeed, the' sheep fries' were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the following evening they all settled down to another supper of' sheep fries'. The third day, however, when the sheep farmer came home, he asked his wife where the French hired hand was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren't very many' sheep more...

For several weeks," the distraught factory worker confided to his psychiatrist, "I was obsessed with the idea of putting my organ in the pickle slicer. The thought kept me awake nights. When I finally fell asleep, I would dream about it. I couldn't work effectively. All I could do was stare at the pickle slicer and daydream. Finally, I couldn't con-trol my passion. During lunch hour yesterday, I stayed in the factory and fulfilled my desire."
"My God!" gasped the psychiatrist. "What happened?"
"The foreman came back from lunch early," said the worker, "saw what was going on and fired me on the spot."
"What happened to the pickle slicer?"
"Of course," the worker responded, "she was fired, too."