Worst Jokes / Recent Jokes

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake." Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?" Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth." Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now." Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?" Caddy: "Eventually." Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world." Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence." Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction." Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass." Golfer: "How do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf." Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, more...

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I more...

Whats the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma? When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

Alice and Monica were having a rare heart-to-heart talk.

"What do you consider your worst vice," Alice asked.

"I don't like to admit it," Monica said, "but my worst vice is vanity.

Sometimes I sit in front of the mirror and just admire my face."

"I wouldn't worry about it," said Alice. "That's not vanity. That's imagination."

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's
hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything
besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves
and under trees.
One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods.
It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other
buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the
chimney implying someone is home.
He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a
beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes
and says "What do you want?"
The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks
and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would
be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house
for tonight"
The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one
condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter"
The more...

What was the worst mistake that Bill made with Monica?
He didn't send her home with Ted Kennedy.

One day, a man went into a bar, looked at the barman and ordered a double whisky. He drank it quickly and ordered another one. The barman leaned over and asked him "Are you all right mate?" and then man put down his glass and said "No, I am bloody well not! I've had the worst day of my life!!" and the barman says "Tell me about it". So the man starts his story.
"It all began when I was round this womans house, and me and her were having sex. Then I hear this noise and its her goddamn husband!! So I panic, throw my clothes on, and I jump out the window, and hang on by my fingertips!!"
"Gee" says the Barman "Thats pretty bad"
"You haven't heard the half of it!!" said the man "Next, her husband jumps in bed with her, has sex with her, and when he's finished he tosses the condom out the window and it lands of my goddamn head!!"
"Woah" says the barman "I can see why you're more...