Worth Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more
than 1989 American dollar bills?
A. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar
bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand
nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.

A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It is post-dated six years from now."

After the Hugh Grant incident that made the papers, Bill Gates called up Hugh Grant. Bill asked him "Was it really worth $50 to almost ruin your career?"

Hugh replied "Bill, actually it was worth a million".

So Bill called up Hughes' favorite prostitute, but since she became so famous, her prices had gone up quite a bit. So Bill paid $10,000 for a night with Divine.

In the morning he said, "That was fantastic! Now I know why professionally you call yourself' Devine'."

She answered "Thank you, and now I know why you call your company' Microsoft'."

A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory!

In school one day the teacher decided in science class she would teach about materials. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"

Little Richie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie Marie.

Little Susie said "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette."

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

If you had bought $1000.00 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it
would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.00.
With Worldcom, you would have less than $5.00 left.
If you had bought $1,000.00 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the
stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for
the 10 cent deposit, you would have $214.00.
Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily
and recycle.

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."