Yadda Jokes

DIALOG OF A MAN ON HIS COMPUTER:
"Ok, log onto messenger, let's see now… Ok, um, George is on let's see- Popup… Let's see: ‘Messenger needs these updates to continue or- god, that's the third time this week! Cancel… and it continues! Needs updates my butt… Ok, George2312 invites you to chat. Sure, click on- what?!? Stupid mouse came unplugged. Hang on, let's see, um, where does it go? There we go, plug the- ow! That hurt! Stupid wires, too easy to trip over… Ok, ‘accept,' and type… ‘Hi, George, how are you doing?' And George sends you an invitation to live chat, accept- oh come on! Needs the new updates, god! Ok, fine. Connecting… huh? Page cannot be displayed- ARRG! *pounds on keyboard* Huh? Pressing the shift key five times enables StickyKeys. StickyKeys lets you use the SHIFT, CTRL, ALT, or Windows Logo key by pressing one key at a time. What the heck is that supposed to mean?!? ‘Cancel.' Now, refresh. Ok, connection working. Get the update for OH MY more...

After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in."
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?"
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.
Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead.
During the act, she actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, yadda, yadda, yadda!"
Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.
Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.
Keeps asking "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
Boredom? So that's why she keeps deflating!!
Holds up a picture of more...

Owners of Target franchises make plans to open stores back up again.
Instead of saying "We are under attack, please take shelter," citizens are now told, "Here we go again, you know the drill."
Everyone wears sunglasses all the time.
Sarcastic giggling heard just behind live CNN reporters.
Yesterday's lead headline in most Iraqi newspapers was "NBA Lockout Continues."
Every time a bomb explodes, Iraqi class clown yells out, "Oh my Allah, you've killed Achmet! You INFIDELS!"
Instead of running for cover at the sound of the air raid sirens, the Iraqis do the "Tomahawk Chop."
Hussein's latest address to the nation included the line, "We must resist the Great Satan, yadda yadda yadda...."
Christiane Amanpour is being invited to rooftop bomb watching parties all over Baghdad.
Baghdad High's senior class has playfully painted a bull's-eye on the roof of the school.
Iraqi Television Network more...

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in themiddle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface. After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. "POOF" out popped a tired oldgenie who said "ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I've been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I'm OUTTA here. Make it a good one". The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!" more...

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious! When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the darn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - more...