Yahoo Jokes

According to Yahoo News, a study performed by the Pacific Institute of Research revealed that children from 2 to 4 years old that were spanked scored 5 points lower on an IQ test versus their unspanked counterparts. Children from ages 5 to 9 who were spanked scored an average of 2.8 points lower than unspanked children in the same age group.
A new study is being coordinated right now to see if spanking has the same effect on adults who are 18 years old and up. Female volunteers are needed. Email me for details.

Yahoo has reached an agreement with the investor Carl Icahn that will stop him from trying to replace its board. Mr. Icahn will withdraw his attempt to take over Yahoo's Board of Directors, and in return Yahoo promised to link to his blog from their website.

A featured Yahoo! news item titled "How the French Stay so Slim" explained that the French stay thin by eating slowly and drinking wine instead of liquor.

That, and f**king anything that moves.

Financial advice, as listed on Yahoo news today: Be sure to have lots and lots of money.

Stock Market Dictionary for this year's investor:

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker - Poorer than you were in 1999.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as this market keeps crashing.

Standard & Poor - Your life in a nut shell.

Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Stock split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split all your assets equally between themselves.

Financial Planner - A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.

Market Correction - The day after more...