Yell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a groupof new troops on making a proper jump. He told them:"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up, you hook up. When you go out the door, yell' Geronimo!' and wait for your shoot to open. Got It? Good, get in the plane." After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and beganshoving the troops out the door. Just after the last trooperexited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someoneknocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked himin the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

As Hostage Taker: Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament. Forget your gun at home. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie". Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you. As Negotiator: Ask the hostage taker if he/she would more...

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I`ve got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor`s left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I`m so sure you can hear me thinking. " Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk more...

A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato.
"C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!"
"No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde.
"No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the more...

A hillbilly and two Indians were walking along. Around them were lots of caves. Suddenly one of the Indians ran up to one of the caves and yelled,
WOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOO!
There was a reply from inside the cave, WOOOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOOWOOOOOOOWOOOOO! So the Indian tore off his clothes and ran inside.
The hillbilly was confused about this, so he asked the other Indian, who replied, Well during mating season, all the women hide inside these caves, and what the men have to do is go up to one of the caves and yell WOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOOWOOOO! And if the women yell WOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOOWOOOO! he can then take off his clothes and go in to mate.
And indeed, when they came to another cave, the Indian ran up to it and yelled WOOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOO! There was another WOOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOWOOOOOOWOOOOOOO! from inside the cave, so the Indian tore off his clothes and ran inside to mate with the women in the cave.
The hillbilly thought this was a great more...

As their car stopped on the shoulder of a secluded road, the young man asked his date: "If I try to make love to you, will you yell for help?"
Cooed his date: "Only if you really need it."

We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.
We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving, then won’t buy a car if it can’t go over 100 miles an hour.
Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education, then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.
We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues but don’t know half the words in the “Star Spangled Banner”.
We’ll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer, then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.
We tie up our dog while letting our sixteen year old son run wild.
We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.
In the more...