Yorker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce back-country tribe during the colonial times in the United States.
The tribal chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to make a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison". The chief gives him some poison extracted from local berries. The Frenchman says "Viva la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please". The chief gives him a old pistol. He points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!", and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork". The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs his shoulders and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts rapidly jabbing himself all over his stomach, his ribs, his chest, his backside, everywhere. There's blood more...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, more...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, more...

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?" The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?" The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?" The New Yorker replied, "Excuse me, but what is 'excuse me?'"

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab,' They don't serve beer here, you moron!'

The German fellow felt embarrassed, however he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle.' And what's so funny?' the New Yorker demands.

'Oh, nothing really, I just realized how stupid you are. You came here for the food!'