Yorker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we've caught you and we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot, cook you, eat you and then we're going to use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you can choose how to die." The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and runs himself through. The Englishman says, "a pistol for me please." The chief gives him a pistol, the Englishman points it at his head and says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over--the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There is blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled and asks, "My God, more...

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?" The Saudi says, "What's a shortage?" The Russian says, "What's meat?" The North Korean says, "What's an opinion?" The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? What's excuse me?"

These four guys were walking down the street, a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker. A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"The Saudi says, "Whats a shortage?"The Russian says, "Whats meat?"The North Korean says, "Whats an opinion?"The New Yorker, says, "Excuse me?? Whats excuse me?"

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"
The man says - "But I am not a New Yorker!"
"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning "Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.
"But I am not an American!" - says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says - "I am a Pakistani!"
The next day the newspapers prints headline "Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being investigated"

This one New Yorker married himself a southern gal and brought her to the big city for the first time. When they first arrived he got them a hotel room and as they were laying in bed she looked over in the corner and saw a discarded condom, "Oh yuck!!" she proclaimed as she ponted it to her new husbandAs he craned his neck to see what it was he looked at her and asked "What they don't use those things where you come from?" "Yeah," she said "but we don't skin' em!"

A pollster was taking opinions outside the United Nations building in New York City. He approached four men waiting to cross the street: a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a resident New Yorker. He asked, "Excuse me, I would like to ask you your opinion on the current meat shortage?" The Saudi replied, "Excuse me, but what is a shortage?" The Russian said, "Excuse me, but what is meat?" The North Korean replied, "Excuse me, but what is an opinion?" The New Yorker replied, "What is' excuse me'?"

A Russian, a New Yorker, and a Texan were being interviewed by a TV news crew. The reporter asked, "Excuse me, what do you think about the meat shortage?" The Texan answered, "What shortage?" The Russian answered, "What's meat?" The New Yorker answered, "What's' excuse me'?"