Zsa Jokes

In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth AshleyMany a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim BackusNo man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de BalzacHoneymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray BandyMarriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - BaskinsI feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame InductionsLove: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose BierceThe world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose BierceI recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteAh Mozart! He was happily married more...

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
- John Heywood
• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
- Sam Kinison
• It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
- Unknown
• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
• I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
- Noel Coward
• Don't marry a girl who says that she has already been asked to marry half-a-dozen times. Five times she has been asked by her mother and father.
- Unknown

Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. - Prof. Irwin CoreyLove matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar. - Countess of BlessingtonI've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward, 1956Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. - Cass DaleyI'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. - Bette DavisLove is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses. - Lord DewarI've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about' short' and' cheap'? - Phyllis DillerNever go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. - Phyllis DillerIt destroys one's nerves to be amiable everyday to the same human being. - Benjamin DisraeliHonolulu, it's got everything. Sand for more...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David BissonetteA man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa GaborI'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. - Zsa Zsa GaborWhen a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha GuitryMarriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. - MontaigneAfter marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - - Hemant JoshiA successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana TurnerMarriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West"I was married by a judge... I should have asked for a jury." - George BurnsUnknown Author QuotesMarriage is more...

Words From Famous Women. .. "I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." - Dolly Parton "I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job." - Roseanne "My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." - Rita Rudner "He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant" - CarolLeifer "I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." - Wendy Liebman "I'm not going to vacuum' til Sears makes one you can ride on." - Roseanne "I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT?" - Wendy Liebman "I think-therefore I'm single" - Lizz Winstead "Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid." - Hedy more...