"A Letter from Martha Stewart" joke

Monday, 9:00 a.m.
Hi Loretta,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself
to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got
up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I
handpainted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in
peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white
horse to pull it from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft
room.
By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for
my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart
twelve-course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I
didn't have time to make the table and chairs this morning, so I used
the ones I had on hand.
Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add
just a touch of the holidays. So, I repainted the room in pinks and
stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread
was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly
the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from
Hungarian clay, which you can get in almost any Hungarian craft store.
Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress
I'm wearing for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note
to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be
making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long - I have 40,000
cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at
noon. It's a good thing.
Love,
Martha Stewart
P. S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch
gold guaze. I soaked the guaze in a mixture of white grapes and
blackberries which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.