"Actual written statements on report forms" joke

The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at leat they claim to be ACTUAL statements. - You be the judge.) The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words.
Woman Driver(WD): Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't know.
Man Driver (MD): I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
WD: The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing.
MD: In any attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
MD: I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
MD: An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
WD: The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him.
WD: I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
MD: The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
WD: To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
WD: I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him.
MD: My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital.
MD: When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car.
MD: As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
MD: The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
WD: I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
MD: I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull.
WD: I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed.