"Bernie at the Races" joke

Rabbi Levine is walking slowly out of a Shul in Golders Green when a gust of wind blows his hat down the street. He's an old man and can't walk fast enough to catch his hat. Across the street, Bernie sees what's happening, rushes over, grabs the hat and returns it to Rabbi Levine. "I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat." Rabbi Levine says. He places his hand on Bernie's shoulder and says, "May God bless you." Bernie thinks, "I've just been blessed by the Rabbi, this must be my lucky day." So he goes to the races and sees in the first race a horse named' Top Hat' at 20 to 1. He bets £50 and the horse comes in first. In the second race, Bernie sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1 so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. When Bernie finally returns home to his wife, she asks him where he's been. He explains how he caught the Rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to a betting office and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names. "So where's the money?" she asks. "I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost." "You fool, Chateau is a house, Chapeau is a hat." "It doesn't matter," Bernie said, "the winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulka."

Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.

First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...

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2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...

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Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan make your garden grow better! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan disorderly again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan buscuits in more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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What is the definition of eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way intersection.

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