"Car Insurance" joke

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible word.
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I dont have.
The other collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprung up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had a accident.
I was on my way to the doctor with a rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure that the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran him over.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the roof of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was the little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as if left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

Regards,
Dev.