"Computer Lingo (Sri Lankan)" joke

Had they spoken Computer lingo, this would be what the Sri Lankan political leaders might be saying:
Chandrika Kumaratunge: Why should I be the one who gets all the blaming whenever the computer goes down? UNP had misused it for 17 years and when given to me, it was in a real bad shape. See what I have done to improve its performance within just four years. Haven't I fixed a brand new screen filter? Haven't I given it a brand new mouse pad?
Ranil Wickremasinghe: She promised a Pentium and gave you a damn 286; She promised a 56k modem and gave only an outdated 14. 4k one; She promised 64MB RAM and now tells you to be satisfied with 8MB. So why don't you vote for me? I'll give everyone of you a brand new Pentium III with grand multimedia kits.
Anura Bandaranaike: That blue computer sucks. It has no processing power at all. The only working part it has is its' MOTHER BOARD'.
Wimal Weerawansa(JVP): As a party, JVP vehemently opposes violence. We do not even allow our party members to play Minesweeper. They have to be satisfied with Solitaire.
Mangala Samaraweera: Once I used to love' E-Mail'. But I lost my interest after I learnt that' E-Mail' stands for' Electronic Mail' and not for'Erotic Male'.
S. B. Dissanayake: My most favourite computer is IBM Netfinity Server. It is entirely BLACK and runs at a super speed of 400 MHz. You know, it reminds me Susanthika.
G. L. Pieris: All the problems in the computers began only because we centralised the whole processing power into a single Central Processing Unit. The only way to overcome this obstacle is the devolution of that processing power to nine co-processing units. We should appoint a cabinet sub-committee to look into this matter.
(Reborn) Ranasinghe Premadasa: When I grow up I will convert all the' Nethi-Beri' 286 computers to' Ethi-Heki' Pentium III Multimedia ones. I will also build clock towers inside every computer to house their system clocks.
Harishchandra Wijayatunge (Leader - Sinahale Mahasammata Bhoomi Putra Party): The computer chips are made of Silicon and Silicon is extracted from soil. So just like us, they are also the true sons of soil (Bhoomi Putras).
Wickramabahu Karunaratne(Leader - Nava Samasamaja Party): Ours is the only true left party in Sri Lanka. To manifest this strong left orientation, we use mice with only left mouse buttons, (No right clicking please), multimedia kits with only left speakers and keyboards with only left cursor keys.
A. H. M. Fowzie (Former Health Minister): Install neither "Norton Disk Doctor" nor " Doctor Solomon's Anti-virus Toolkit" in your computer. These Doctor chaps will make your life a hell by organizing strikes the every other day and eventually you will lose your job. The best thing is to get rid of them in the very beginning!
Velupillai Prabhakaran: They say computers can perform certain things better than humans can. Enna Paiththiyama Dore? Can I ever make a computer to blow itself in a suicide mission.
Wi. Ja. Mu. Lokubandara (Former UNP Cultural Affairs Minister): Avasarai!, Ayubowan! The best solution for Y2K problem is to shift to the traditional Buddha Varsha (The Buddhist Calendar Year) system instead of this Christian Year system, which was thrust upon us by the imperialists. By that way, we would not be facing a similar problem for at least another 450 years.