"Hey, Dominic!" joke

There were two high school friends, Artie and Dominick, who did everything together, and were the absolute best of friends. Then they went off to different colleges and were separated for several years.
One day, however, Artie was sitting and a bar and looks over and sees his old friend Dominic.
"Dominic?" he shouts.
"Artie?" Dominic replied.
Obviously they were happy to see each other again, and spent a long time catching up on old times. Along the course of the conversation, Artie asked Dominick what he did as a career.
"I'm an inventor," Dominic said.
"Wow," said Artie, "you must be loaded!"
"Well, I would be, except my wife spends all my money. I really hate her and wish she were dead!"
"Well, hey," Artie said, "I'm a hit man! I can knock her off for ya!"
Dominick was pleased with this idea, and offered Artie a great deal of money to do this. Artie, however would not take it, saying that it would be free for his best friend. Dominick felt bad about this, and kept trying to pay SOMETHING to Artie, but he refused. Finally Dominic said, "Listen, let me pay you, all right? Just a dollar, okay? A dollar to say that I paid you. Please?" Finally, Artie agreed to the cost of one dollar, and the plans were made.
Later, while Dominic was away, Artie went to his house and strangled his wife. Just as she died, the butler walked into the room, so Artie strangled him as well. Seconds after his death, in walked the maid, so once again, he was forced to strangle another person. Finally, after she was dead, he raced out of the house and down the street, but was caught by the police.
Next day the headlines read:
ARTIE CHOKES THREE FOR A DOLLAR!

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.

First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...

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2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...

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Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan make your garden grow better! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan disorderly again! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Duncan!
Duncan who?
Duncan buscuits in more...

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Dear Mom and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for more...

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