"How the tobacco industry is protecting the children" joke

TOBACCO SETTLEMENT MONEY TO HELP PROTECT KIDS FROM DANGERS OF SMOKING
North Carolina - In accordance with a multi-billion dollar class action settlement against the tobacco industry, The Big tobacco companies have pledged to devote millions to making sure children are not harmed by cigarettes.
While much of the money has been spent on television ads and tobacco education, one company, RJ Reynolds, the parent company for long time children's product staple, Nabisco, has chosen to interpret the terms of the settlement a little differently.
Taking their cue from the cellular phone industry's recent efforts to assure customers that their product can be used safely at all times, RJR has developed the "hands free" cigarette, a product which they envision marketing primarily to children.
"The problem with the youngsters is they are so active" said RJR spokesman Don Buttles. "They're always riding their bikes, or digging in the dirt, or playing catch. These pursuits, while fun for the child, can make it difficult to safely operate a cigarette."
"With the new 'CyberCigarette Holder' kids can still do all the recreational things they love, while getting the refreshing nicotine their young, developing bodies crave. And best of all, it will be done safely."
Buttles had this to say when asked why the name "CyberCigarrette Holder" was chosen despite the fact that no computer technology is involved in the product.
"Studies show that children like the word 'Cyber' and parents don't understand it. This is a perfect marketing combination as far as we're concerned."
The CyberCigarrette Holder is expected to go on sale in late November.
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