"How to become a better liar" joke

BECOME A BETTER LIAR
IT'S EASY!
Just follow these 12 steps.
First of all, minimize your lies. If you lie all the time, people will never believe you.
Try to cry while you're lying. Everyone believes someone who's crying.
Always swear to god (not God with a capital "G"... you'll be punished severely!) Little "g" god can mean Zeus or Poseidon or Money.
Emphasize each word (e.g. I... SWEAR... TO... gOD!!!)
Break something (a dish or a vase) if you detect that the listener is even remotely doubting you.
Always say: "Ask so-and-so. They'll back me up on this". Be sure to name your best friend, though. Best friends always side with you whether you're lying or not.
Plan out your lie ahead of time. Never ad lib, you'll stutter.
Never stutter!
Never stay in the same city for more than a few months. People catch on to your line of crap in 2 to 3 months on the average.
Don't take chances on lies that can be easily researched. For instance, don't say you own Don Quixote's original sword. Your listener might find out that Don Quixote was a fictional character.
Stick to your lie NO MATTER WHAT!!!
Try going to law school. You can make good money, too!