"Nursing Home Inhabitants (suggestive)" joke
Jim Goldman's joke reminded me of an oldie but goodie:
Fred and Myra were residents at the local old age home. One day, Fred came shuffling past Myra when she waved him over.
"Fred," she said, "I'll bet I can guess how old you are."
"Okay," replied Fred, "go ahead. Tell me how old I am."
Well, you got to pull down your pants first Fred.
"What are ya talkin' about Myra?"
"I can only tell how old you are if you pull down your pants Fred."
Shrugging his shoulders, Fred obliges and pulls down his pants. Myra tells him to pull down his underpants as well.
Thinking 'why not?' he pulls down his underpants as well. Myra peers at his privates, inspecting from all angles. She takes his equipment in hand, moves it around a bit, feeling here and there. After some of this manipulation, she looks up at Fred and announces, "You're 87 years old."
Astonished, Fred looks at her in amazement!
"How did you figure that out Myra?!?!?"
"Fred - you told me yesterday."
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...