"REST ROOM PRIVILEGES" joke

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: PERSONNEL DEPT.
SUBJECT: REST ROOM PRIVILEGES
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest room under informal guidelines. Effective this date, a "Rest room Trip Policy" (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room time.
Under this policy, a "Rest room Trip Bank" (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a "Rest room Trip Credit" (RTC) of 20. RTCs can be accumulated from month to month.
Within two weeks, the entrance to all rest rooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before the end of March, each employee must provide the Personnel Dept. with two copies of voice prints, one normal and one under stress. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not restrictive, for the rest of the month. Employees should acquaint themselves with these stations during this period.
If an employee's RTB balance reaches zero, the doors to the rest rooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all all rest room stalls are being equipped with timed paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper in the stall will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall seat remains occupied, your picture will be taken.
The picture will then be posted in the hallways. This is being done to eliminate dilly-dalling in the rest rooms. Anyone's picture showing up three times will be immediately terminated.
If there are any questions regarding the above policy, don't hesitate to speak with your supervisor or the Personnel Dept.
Thank You,
Management