Established Jokes

TO: All EmployeesFrom: ManagementRe: Restroom PolicyIn the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective Feb. 25, 1995 a Restroom Policy will be established to provide a consistant method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees. Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip Credit of 20 points. RTC can be accumulated from month to month. Shortly, the entrances to all the restrooms will begin being equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition. During the next two (2) weeks, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) management by Feb. 10, 1995. The voice print recognition stations will be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of Feb. Employees should aquaint themselves more...

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: PERSONNEL DEPT.
SUBJECT: REST ROOM PRIVILEGES
In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the rest room under informal guidelines. Effective this date, a "Rest room Trip Policy" (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of accounting for each employee's rest room time.
Under this policy, a "Rest room Trip Bank" (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a "Rest room Trip Credit" (RTC) of 20. RTCs can be accumulated from month to month.
Within two weeks, the entrance to all rest rooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer linked voice recognition devices. Before the end of March, each employee must provide the Personnel Dept. with two copies of voice prints, one normal and one under stress. The voice print recognition will be in operation, but not restrictive, for the rest of the month. Employees more...

By Andrew Marlatt
Sunday, February 10, 2002; Page B05
Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China and Syria today announced they had formed the Axis of Just as Evil, which they said would be "way eviler" than the Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name.
"Right. They are Just as Evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean President Kim Jong Il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils....I mean the best at being evil....We're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. more...

Notice To Employees

A Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal opportunity for employees.

Under this policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" (RTB) will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty (20) RTB credits. These credits may be accumulated indefinitely.

Within two weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer-linked voice print recognition devices.

Each employee must provide two copies of voice prints - one normal and one under stress. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during the initial introduction period. If an employee's RTB balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month.

In addition, all restroom stalls are more...

In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran, and North Korea 'Axis of Evil"-N.Y. Times, 1/30/02
ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, and SYRIA FORM AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL; Cuba, Sudan, Serbia Form Axis of Somewhat Evil; Other Nations Start Own Clubs
Beijing. - Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address. Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are Just as Evil...in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils... best at being evil... we're the best."
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join more...