"Suicide" joke

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."

If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted Danson, divorced him to marry Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, more...

9
3

your hairline so far back i thought u went bald in 3rd grade

554
485

A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit more...

19
4

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

158
34

Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember more...

80
46
Add a comment
remember me
follow replies
0
0
(0)
Devon:Lol, that was just a saying that the one redhead and one bournette sent by gods african tribe and it's beyond crazy to that prehistoric scene that everyone jumped out and climbed up the nearest tree is part of the fatal rescue to run from the fire and guns cause there predators and cant see where the fake incidents lead to and tried laying down thescreaming tand wild gunman to poo the redhead and tribe caled 1-2-3 causing shamble cure masquline sword sorrows in savory prediction.
0
0
(0)
0
0
(0)
autumn:Talk to me.
0
0
(0)
autumn:I was just in a tornato.
Funny Joke? 71 vote(s). 79% are positive. 4 comment(s).