"The Mormon's Guide to Avoiding Masturbation" joke

: The following is taken word-for-word from a Mormon pamphlet,' For Young Men Only', published a number years ago.

The Mormon's Guide to Avoiding Masturbation:

1. Pray daily. Ask for the gifts of the spirit which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and out loud when the temptations are strongest. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell' STOP' to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.

2. Set a goal of abstinence. Begin with a day, then a week, a month and year. Finally, commit yourself to never doing it again. Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you but show it to no one. If you masturbate, colour that day black. Your goal will be to have no black days.

3. Set up a reward system. Each time you reach a goal reward yourself with a quarter.

4. When on the toilet or showering, leave the door partly open.

5. Avoid people, situations, and pictures and reading material that might create sexual excitement.

6. Use physical restraints.

7. Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding. Put on several layers that would be difficult to remove while half asleep.

8. In severe cases, tie your hands to the bed frame.

9. Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated, or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape.

10. To cancel the pleasure of masturbating, associate something very distasteful with the act. For example, imagine bathing in a tub full of worms and eating some of them.