Masturbation Jokes

Procrastination is like masturbation...
Sure it feels good at first, but then you realize you're only screwing yourself.

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a New York City restaurant and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She says, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Japanese men says, "We are all berry hungry."

The waitress says, "So how is whacking off in this restaurant going to help that situation?"

One of the other businessmen replies, "Because menu say, FIRST COME, FIRST SERVED."

What does a Rubik's Cube and a penis have in common?
The longer you play with them the harder they get.

I was hard at work the other day and I was thinking to myself....

If I had a girlfriend, would I still be "hard" at work?

in high school i went to five star basketball camp. a reputable college coach was teaching us how to handle the ball and he would always stress to be a bater, and he would always say to master it or be a master bater.
well, nuff said, i ran into a friend of an old girl friend about a year ago and she reminded me the time i had to sleep at my girl friends apartment when her siste came to town. we were too tired to drive me home that night so i slumbered. three girl on the floor not wearing much. to say the least, i was having anxiety about three in the moring. and exactly at six a.m. my girl friend kicked me out and forced me to walk home. it was a long and horrible walk i may add. when i got home i just jumped on the couch and the wonderfull coach williams voice just kept going thru my mind- BE A MASTER BATER!-