"Timecards" joke

TO: ALL PERSONNEL
FROM: ACCOUNTING
It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Thank you,
Accounting.
Attached: Extended Job Code List
Code Number
---Explanation
---
5316Useless Meeting
5317Obstructing Communications at Meeting
5318Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
5319Waiting for Break
5320Waiting for Lunch
5321Waiting for End of Day
5322Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
5323Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
5393Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
5400Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
5401Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
5402Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
5481Buying Snack
5482Eating Snack
5500Filling Out Timesheet
5501Inventing Timesheet Entries
5502Waiting for Something to Happen
5503Scratching Yourself
5504Sleeping
5510Feeling Bored
5511Feeling Horny
5600Complaining About Lousy Job
5601Complaining About Low Pay
5602Complaining About Long Hours
5603Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
5604Complaining About Boss
5605Complaining About Personal Problems
5640Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
5701Not Actually Present At Job
5702Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
6102Ordering Out
6103Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
6104Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
6200Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
6201Stealing Company Goods
6202Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
6203Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
6204Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
6205Hiding from Boss
6206Gossip
6207Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210Feeling Sorry For Yourself
6211Updating Resume
6212Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
6213Out of Office on Interview
6221Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
6222Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
6223Pretending You Like Coworker
6224Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
6238Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
6350Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
6601Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
6602Complaining
6603Writing a Book on Company Time
6611Staring Into Space
6612Staring At Computer Screen
6615Transcendental Meditation
7281Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
7401Talking With Plumber on Phone
7402Talking With Dentist on Phone
7403Talking With Doctor on Phone
7404Talking With Masseuse on Phone
7405Talking With House Painter on Phone
7406Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
7419Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
7425Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
7931Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
8000Recreational Drug Use
8001Non-recreational Drug Use
8002Liquid Lunch
8100Reading e-mail