"Two things on earth" joke
There are two things on earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity. There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about. There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword. There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don`t know what it`s a plan for. There is a right way, a wrong way, and my way to do everything. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. There is always one more bug. There is always one more idiot than you counted on. There is no evidence to support the notion that life is serious. There is nothing so habit-forming as money.
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