"You Might Enjoy Wrestling Too Much If…" joke

* When you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a “USA! USA! ” chant.
* When you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn’t “play with the big boys, ” and that she will never get past mid-card status.
* When you search and search the bible for the book of Austin.
* If you can actually remember Sting’s last public words.
* If on a job application, you state your residence as “parts unknown. ”
* If you quit your Job because you have to find your “Smile. ”
* When you’re getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around.
* If you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him.
* When you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast.
* When a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle.
* When you rack your neighbor’s dog.
* When you attend a graduation, and yell “Ooooooh yeah! ” when ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ plays.
* When you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you think your best line of attack is putting the Tongan death grip on him.
* When you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days if you lose.
* When you go to a dance and start dancing like Alex Wright.
* You watch car racing in order to see Bob “sparkplug” Holly
* When you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public.
* When you win an award and immediately spray paint “nWo” on it.
* When you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny.
* When you begin to shake someone’s hand in public but then hesitate to look for the crowd’s response.
* When you get into a real fight and you blade.
* When you do heel turns on your best friends for no reason.
* If whenever you walk into a party you tell them to “cut the music. ”
* When anytime anybody asks you a question, you “grab the mike” and yell, “MEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAN GEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEE! ”
* When you die you mustache blond while leaving your beard black.
* If you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches.
* After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and then after you raise both yours and your friend’s arms in the air, as he looks to the side, you clothesline him.
* If you think John the Baptist Bladed.
* If you wonder why Bob Backlund’s campaign for the presidency never got any press.
* If you carry a foreign object in your underwear.
* When you go into work you insult everyone you see just to draw heat.
* If you’re a Honky Tonk Man impersonator instead of an Elvis impersonator.
* If you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game.
* If you loose a job, you change your look and name before starting a new one.
* If you find out that you have been fired by calling up the company’s hotline.
* If you purposely blade yourself while shaving.
* If you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn.
* When before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a kid.
* When you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just lost a Casket Match.
* When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it.
* If you paint your face and don’t speak to your co-workers
* When you go to your daughter’s softball game and start a “we want blood” chant.
* If you get into an argument with a friend at work and challenge him to a loser must retire match.
* When you see a fight in the streets and call the moves.
* If at a ceremony at your work to give out awards to the employee of the year, you “turn” and slam a chair across the recipient of the award’s head…then you immediately grab the mic and start talking about how YOU deserved the award.
* If you refer to all the women in your work area your valets.
* When you keep flour in your underpants (just in case).
* If you refer to The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal as rag sheets.
* If you wondered why Vince didn’t borrow money from Ted DiBiase to prevent WCW from “buying” its wrestlers.
* You start every sentence with the words “Well, ya know, Mean Gene…” or “Let me tell ya something…”
* You refer to everyone you talk to as “brother. ”
* Every time you see someone yawning, you get an uncontrollable urge to thrust your fingers down their throat and screech uncontrollably.
* Your children are named Crippler, Hitman, and Hollywood.
* You get hoarse on purpose so you can sound like the Macho Man.
* You hold a wrestling tournament for an aluminum foil belt.
* You constantly play really bad air guitar on your foil belt that you cheated to win.
* On Halloween, you pull a Jericho and steal all the trick-or-treaters’ masks and then claim them as “prizes. ”
* You get kicked off the school wrestling team for choke slamming your opponent.
* You cried when the Giant went nWo.
* You took bagpipe lessons just so you could play Roddy Piper’s theme music.
* You get in fights with people who say wrestling is fake.
* You fenced in your bed, so it feels like being in a steel cage.
* You throw your VCR away when you can’t find Rick Steiner on your copy of “Gremlins. ”
* Your best friend is a microphone.
* After your parents ground you for a week, you refer to them as “heels. ”
* You try to write to the admissions office at S. C. U.
* You dress your dog up as a “Hulkamaniac. ”
* You use the phrase “Too Sweet” more than 45 times daily.
* You try to impress your friends by telling them Bobby Heenan jokes.
* You honestly believe that “TBS” stands for “The Brain Station. ”
* You think “No Holds Barred” should win an Oscar.
* Your greatest accomplishment in life is mastering the sleeper hold.
* You roped in your backyard and you get together with friends to throw chairs around.
* You requested “3: 16? as your new license plate.
* You think a tilt-a-whirl looks fun.
* You think that The Giant is a “sissy. ”
* You put white-out on the faces of your action figures, and then draw black marks on their faces.
* You give crotch chops to the opposing team during a softball game.
* You feel sorry for jobbers.
* You light your bed on fire and fight your brother in it.
* Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
* You leapfrog over people while playing football, then you turn around and clothesline them.
* You publish a shirt that say’s, “Jay Leno 1-0 Who’s Next? ”
* Every time you sit down at a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault it.
* You constantly deny that Brian Christopher is your son.
* After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back.
* You chokeslam your cat.
* You elbow smash your dog and turn him/her over for the three counts.
* Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
* When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to “Rest In Peace. ”
* You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
* Instead of opening a can of tuna you open up a can of whoop ass on your cat.
* In the school cafeteria, you come up behind a kid and hit him with a chair and look around for crowd responses.
* You walk down the aisle at a church giving high fives as the people hold up signs and chant your name.
* You won’t come out of your room until your parents play your theme on the radio.