Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my fucking clothes."
Two guys were in a car stopped at a red light. The light finally turned green, but the driver didn't notice.
The passenger said, "Er, it's green."
After a moment, the driver responded, "A frog?"
Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
He had his own frog-horn.
My wife shocked us all earlier by revealing she wants us to become a 'normal' family again after a difficult year.
My son nearly chocked on my dick, while the dog went soft on my daughter.
My colleague at work keeps bragging to everybody that he has slept with my sister.
So I have decided that I will not be getting him a father's day card this year.
I had been going out with my girlfriend for 4 years when i thought it was about time i 'popped the question'.
After a sweet and romantic meal, i got down on 1 knee and said:
" Honey, will you make me the happiest guy in the world "
" YES" came the response, with a big smile on her face and a tear in her eye.
" Good . . . so when can i shag your sister?" I replied
When asked to choose between me and my ex wife, my 7 year old daughter was torn.
As a thank you gift for choosing me.