1993 Jokes

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BILL CLINTON'S FRIEND??
The following is a list of dead people connected to Bill Clinton. Please
note the following breakdown of causes, and then think about the statistical possibility of their being random occurrences (especially the plane crashes):
1. James McDougal - Clinton's convicted Whitewater partner died of an
apparent heart attack, while in solitary confinement. He was a key
witness in Ken Starr's investigation.
2. Mary Mahoney - A former White House intern was murdered July 1997 at a
Starbucks Coffee Shop in Georgetown. The murder happened just after she
was to go public with her story of sexual harassment in the White House.
3. Vince Foster - Former White House counselor, and colleague of Hillary
Clinton at Little Rock's Rose law firm. Died of a gunshot wound to the
head, ruled a suicide.
4. Ron Brown - Secretary of Commerce and former Democratic National
Committee Chairman. Reported to have died more...

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $ 80, 000. 00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250, 000. 00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Georgia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75. 46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

From The Guardian weekly, January 9 1994
David Rowan presents the Excessively Distorted Language Awards for 1993
There is Usually a word for it
Camille Paglia Award for Verbal Pomposity
To Camille Paglia whose answering machine message goes like this: "You have reached the voicemail line of Professor Camille Paglia. Due to her pressing obligations as a teacher and scholar, Professor Paglia cannot personally return calls. Do not send faxes: Professor Paglia does not accept them. All packages are opened and inspected by the staff. Unsolicited materials without return postage may be automatically discarded. Urgent messges may be left on the tape to be reviewed by the staff. If you do not receive a reply to your letter or call, please assume that Profesor Paglia is not interested in your proposal..."
Native Californian Political Correctness Award
RUNNER UP: Santa Cruz city council, which debated a motion to outlaw "lookism", the practice of more...

In October 1993, in Iran, where celebratory gunfire is traditional at weddings, a guest named Rasool lost control of his automatic weapon at a wedding in the Lorestan province, accidentally killing six people and wounding fourteen of them. I think I'll stick to the tradition of throwing rice--it seems much less dangerous.

Candidate Bill Clinton: Promised to increase minimum wage
President Bill Clinton: Wants to keep the wage the same
Candidate Bill Clinton: Attacked Bush's policy of sending illegal Haitians back to Haiti
President Bill Clinton: Decided to maintain Bush's policy on Haiti.
Candidate Clinton, campaign ad, January 1992
"I've offered a comprehensive plan to get our economy moving again....It starts with a tax cut on the middle class."
Candidate Clinton, Jan. 12, 1992
"I want to make it very clear that this middle-class tax cut, in my view, is central to any attempt we're going to make to have a short-term economic strategy."
President-elect Clinton, Jan 14, 1993
"From New Hampshire forward, for reasons that absolutely mystify me, the press thought the most important issue in the race was the middle class tax cut. I never did meet any voter who thought that."
President Clinton, first Oval Office address, Feb. 15, more...