5-year-old Jokes

A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby."Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

Agatha's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words.
From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does fgrpl spell?"
"Nothing," Agatha said.
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does doeb spell?"
"Nothing," Agatha answered.
This went on for several weeks.
Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does lmdz spell?"
Agatha smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell 'Nothing'!"

Mother calls up stairs, "You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you'll be late for school!"
As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, "Today we're gonna learn to swear!" The 4-year-old gives a fearful look.
The 5-year-old continues, "When we get to the table, I'll say 'hell' and you say 'ass'!" The 4-year-old agrees with reservation.
They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. "Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?"
The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head... "Hell Mom! I'll have Cheerios!"
He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.
Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, "Well now, what would you like for breakfast?"
The 4-year-old replies, more...

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby.

The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.

"Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the Doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. "Hit him again," the 5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"