Absent Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is a partial list of actual written excuses given to teachers in the Alburquerque Public School System by parents of students:
1. Dear School: Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
2. Please excuse Dianne from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
3. Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault.
4. Chris will not be in school because he has an acre in his side.
5. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face.
6. Excuse Gloria. She has been under the doctor.
7. Lillie was absent from school yesterday because she had a going over.
8. My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.
9. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part.
10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines.
11. Please excuse more...

Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent! Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk! Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent. Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal. Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

HER DIARY
Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent.
I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing."
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to more...

Check out these actual written excuses from parents, excerpted from the Sept/Oct 1996 issue of "Campus Life":
"Please excuse Joyce from P.E. for a few days. She fell off a tree and misplaced her hip."
(I sure hope she finds it before the prom!)
"Please excuse John from being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
(I hate those lo-o-o-ng winter months!)
"Chris will not be in school today because he has an acre in his side."
(Wow! Talk about growing pains!)
"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him."
(Ouch!)
"Please excuse Johnnie for being. It was his father's fault."
(Blame it on Dad!)
"Please excuse Ray from school. He has very loose vowels."
(But I hear his consonants are doing just fine!)
"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."
(I suppose he had some vowels too, but I guess they're more...

*** These are actual excuse notes teachers have received, spelling mistakes included. ***My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P. E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also33. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. Please excuse Roland from P. E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed more...

HER DIARY

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you too."

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made more...