Advanced Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Israeli doctor says' Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks.' A German doctor says,' That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks.

' A Russian doctor says,' In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks.

' The Fijian doctor, not to be outdone, says,' You guys are way behind, we just took a bald man with no brain out of tailevu, put him in the parliament, and in no time half the country is looking for work.'

4 Doctors were talking shop one day...
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah!
We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day!"

The following is a college entrance exam for athletes.

Time Limit: 3 Days.

Write Your Name: ________________________________________
(20 point bonus if spelled correctly).

1. What language is spoken in Germany?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions - OR - Give the FIRST name of Michael Jordan.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to

____ (a) build a bridge
____ (b) lead an army or
____ (c) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) Catholic
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish

5. Advanced Math: How many feet is 0. 0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 12?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far more...

4 Doctors were talking shop one day...
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We took an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country was looking for work the next day!"

4 Doctors were talking shop one day...An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks."The American doctor, not to be outdone, said "Hah! We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day!"

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment." He goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know. .. mat h always was a little hard to swallow."

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked.
"Yes, I am."
The baby said "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?"
"Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born" he said. He then looked at his father and asked "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying "I want you to know that THAT HURTS!"