Alien Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two aliens were visiting Earth to research the local customs.
They split up so that they could learn more in the time allowed.
When they met to share their knowledge, the first alien told of a religious ceremony it had seen.
"I went to a large green field shaped like a meteorite crater. Around the edges, several thousand worshippers gathered. Then two priests walk to the centre of the field to a rectangular area and hammer six spears into the ground, three at each end. Then eleven more priests walk out, clad in white robes. Then two high priests wielding clubs walk to the centre and one of the other priests starts throwing a red orb at the ones with the clubs."
"Gee," replied the other alien, "what happens next?"
"Then it begins to rain."
One night a couple was sitting on the couch talking when they heard a terrible noise outside. They ran out to see what it was. When they got there they were shocked to see that and alien spaceship had landed in their backyard. The aliens said, "Don't worry we come in peace. We just want to talk."
So the couple and the aliens sit down to talk. After awhile they start to get tired to they decide to go to bed. The alien couple said, "Look we've never had sex with a human and we know you've never had sex with an alien so how about we switch places for the night." The human couple agreed. The human woman and the male alien began messing around in a bedroom.
When the alien man pulled out his dick the woman complained that it was too small, so he said, "Oh thats no problem look." He hit himself in the forehead and it grew 1 inch.
"Wow thats amazing"
"Yeah" he replied "just keep doing that until more...
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of them said to it,' Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response.
The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently,' Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!'
The other alien shouted to his comrade' No, you mustn't anger him...!', but before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap.
When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said,' What a ferocious creature. It nearly killed us! But, how did you know it was so more...
Things You Wouldn't Know Without Movies
-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are more...
An alien walked into a bar and sits down and ordered a drink. Once he is done, he ran down the counter and spit in this guy's face. He then went back and ordered another drink.
Again, once he finished his drink, he ran back down and spit in the guy's face. The guy said, "Hey! If you do that again, I'll pull down your pants and rip your nuts off!"
The alien went back get a third drink, drank half of the glass, ran to the end of the counter and again spit in the guy's face. The guy stood up and yelled, "That's it, you little twerp!" He pulled down the alien's pants, stared for a second and said, "If you don't have a penis or nuts, how in the world do you go to the bathroom?"
The alien took one last drink from the glass and spit in the guy's face.
What do you call an alien starship that drips water? A crying saucer!